Clichés
by hey-it's-ell- Virg0Luck
Summary: My take on most of those clichés we see floating around on Dramione fanfiction... Please R&R! DHr.
1. Hogwarts

**Hi guys!**

**I was thinking about all those clichés you get in Dramione. I'm kind of insulting myself, because I have written almost all of these… and I'm annoyed, so I took it out on everyone who has ever written a clichéd Dramione fanfic. Even though people who write these clichés can make them into something amazing! Sorry if I've offended any of you with this, but it's one of those things which hasn't even been reread, or edited. So it's crap. **

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Hermione stood in her room holding her black and red suitcase. She'd just found out that her parents were pureblood Death Eaters, and that made her a pureblood… and a Death Eater. She had a Dark Mark on her arm, and her first task from Voldemort was to spy on Harry. Hermione really liked being a Death Eater too, because Ron and Harry had always been horrible to her and she saw that as revenge.

She apparated to Kings Cross, because Hermione always gets her apparation license. It's just the way it is. She walked into the Heads compartment on the train and sat waiting for the Head Boy, because for some insane reason Hermione never finds out the Head Boy until she meets him in the Head compartment or at the Welcoming feast. She hopes its someone nice even though really, she has no chance of getting someone nice. Because life's unfair in the world of Dramione.

The compartment door slides open and Draco Malfoy walks in while Hermione is either reading or listening to Muggle music, or both. The Muggle player works because Hermione enchanted it to work at Hogwarts, even though J.K. Rowling states that it's impossible in the real Harry Potter books. But this is FanFiction.

Hermione looks at Malfoy and thinks, _Mm, Malfoy looks really hot this year._ Though she tries to hide it. Malfoy looks at Hermione and thinks, _Wow, Granger looks really good. _Malfoy sees Hermione looking at him and says arrogantly, "It's okay, Mudblood. Stare. I _am _Slytherin Sex God, after all." Or something else snobby like that. Hermione replies with something along the lines of,

"I'm not a Mudblood. Actually, I'm Pureblooded. And why would anyone want to stare at you?"

The train ride passes in silence with both of them stealing glances at each other. They get to school and Hermione sees Ginny. She says,

"Whoa, Hermione, is that you? You need a makeover!" Ginny waves her wand and Hermione becomes gorgeous. After the Welcoming Feast they go to their Heads Dorm. The author isn't going to waste time describing it and will just say this: It's half green, half red, and they share a huge bathroom, giving Draco ample opportunity to walk in on Hermione having a shower.

And what do you know? That happens the next day. Hermione screams and Draco gets out, secretly thinking how hot Hermione is. When Hermione walks out, Draco is overcome with passion and lust and kisses Hermione. They disappear into Draco's bedroom and the author stops here to keep the story K+.

And let's not forget the Ron bashing! Ron bursts into Draco's room and catches Hermione naked while Draco's in the bathroom and gets really angry. He starts punching Hermione and then Draco swoops in and saves her because he's so strong from Quidditch.

Of course, this year Dumbledore introduces Kid Class, where everyone has to partner up- surprise, surprise, Hermione gets Draco- the girls get fake pregnant, have kids for a while, and they disappear at the end of the year. Hermione and Draco have a fake girl named something Narcissa, because Lucius abused Narcissa and Narcissa was really nice, slightly snobby and obsessed with shopping.

At the end of the year, along the way, Blaise Zabini and Ginny fell in love, leaving Harry heartbroken. Hermione kills Harry and Ron( she is a Death Eater…) marries Draco and they have three kids, generally two girls and one boy.

The End.


	2. Post- Hogwarts

**And I'm back… now; we have the post- Hogwarts clichés! Once again, unedited and crap. Reviews!**

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So the clichés in the previous chapter never happened. Though Hermione and Draco were heads and he still walked in on her having a shower, he thought she was disgusting and they never spoke to each other again. But Ginny's convinced Hermione to go for a bachelorette competition and she gives Hermione a total makeover so she becomes gorgeous. Hermione goes for the competition and sees it's _Draco _who's the bachelor. Draco doesn't recognize Hermione because she's so beautiful, even though J.K. Rowling described her as not really pretty; horrid bushy hair. But the authors have made her fill out, given her curves, made her untamable hair into soft, silky chestnut curls and her eyes the color of cinnamon. Generally, she smells of oranges, jasmine and vanilla. Draco falls in love with the girl- who- he- doesn't- know- it's- Hermione, and when she tells him her real identity, he is totally OOC and says he's gotten over his prejudices. Draco and her fall in love and she moves in with him, but she loses the bachelorette competition when her and Draco are going through a bad time because Draco doesn't think they'll last.

Hermione is heartbroken. Draco dumps the winner and runs to her. Hermione bangs her head somehow, and loses all memories of Draco being all OOC and nice. She totally hates him. But Draco makes her love him again.

And then, Ron, Pansy and Lucius Malfoy team up to eliminate them both, because we can't forget the Ron bashing. They kidnap Hermione and Ron does stuff to her, while Pansy goes around screaming,

"Give me my Drakie- poo!"

Lucius Malfoy is doing the Cruciatus Curse (do authors these days know _any _other spells, you may wonder) when Draco bursts in and goes,

"Weasley, Parkinson, Daddy, leave my Hermione alone!"

They fight. They win. They live happily ever after, again generally with two girls and one boy, even though this author doesn't see Draco as a dad- kinda person. Whoops! The author almost forgets! Hermione's an amazing singer. Where did J.K. Rowling ever give _any _mention to that, this author wonders?

_Now _it's the end.

Wait again! Draco and Hermione disappear into their bedroom and Harry catches them!

_Now _it's really the end.


End file.
